Thursday, August 6, 2015

An Open Letter to My Fertile Family and Friends

I recently read on the blog Waiting for Baby Bird a letter that she had written to her fertile family. It struck a chord with me and I have felt that I should write a similar letter to MY fertile friends and family. Please do not take any of what I'm about to say in the wrong way or personally. I'm bawling my eyes out as I write this. I just feel the need to put all of my feelings out there, to be raw, open and honest with all of you and get it off my chest. So, here it goes..

To put it bluntly, this last year has sucked. It has quite possibly been the worst year yet. I want 2015 to be over. Turning 30 sucked. Nothing about these last 9 months has been positive for me. We got pregnant with a tumor and then had to have surgery to remove it. We were told to stop trying until I got to negative. All of this has put a HUGE strain on my relationship with my husband and we are suffering because of that. All the while, EVERYONE is announcing they are pregnant {most without even "trying", they got pregnant so easily}. Talk about a stab to my heart each time. Every time I hear or see another announcement it chips away from my heart each time.

On top of all of that, I don't feel like it is easy to empathize with my situation, unless you have had a similar experience. It's hard for me to talk to many of you because I don't feel like I get the support that I need. So because of that, I have felt very lonely despite being around my loved ones. Even on my support groups, there are people who have had Molar Pregnancies and have moved on to the TTC {Trying To Conceive} portion of their journey and they are only there for 1 month before getting pregnant! And here I am sitting there for months on end with nothing to show for it, except depression.

I have lost a lot of faith. I've been struck down time and time again just to have to get back up again, and I'm starting to get too weak to get up. I know everything happens for a reason, but really? Does it?? For what reason is all of this happening to my husband and I? I'm having a really hard time finding one. I also hear that God won't give you anything you can't handle, but I'm officially not able to handle one thing more.

All of that being said, I am happy for each and every one of you, but it is SOOO hard when I'm not able to have what you all have gotten so easily. I am excited for you and WANT to hear all about your healthy pregnancies, just know that it is not easy for me. I don't want you to hold anything back from me. I support and love you all and hope that you can support and love me in return.